I need to tell you something. Something that is new for me. Something that I do not recall ever feeling. Something that is exciting and somewhat unfamiliar. Something I did not really think was attainable. I know that I am on the right path, doing what is best for me, and living in a way that is more authentic because the things in my life are falling into place in a way I have never experienced before. It is like being in a dark room and the path is lit right before my eyes. The way to happiness just reveals itself in an effortless, seamless and uncanny manner.
Since I made this decision to go on a walkabout, leave the life I have known for something better and something more fitting to me, what I need seems to fall out of the sky. I have a really deep and authentic feeling of calm and peace (that alone is new) and I find that the Universe takes care of me. Like what is supposed to happen just happens. What I need just seems to present itself. I also find that I am WAY more open to those gifts than ever before. The less I stress about something, the quicker the situation resolves itself. Like magic.
I am also better able to give and receive that which I need, that which serves my newly discovered purpose and mission, that which is in better alignment with who I really am. It may be a new feeling, but I really like it. It is vey calming, yet exciting at the same time. Sure, before now, every once in a while the Universe would take care of me. That empty bank account would see a random rebate, or that tank of gas just took me a little farther. But, man let me tell you, not like this!!
This feels deep, very deep, and calm. It is an exciting, yet peaceful, feeling. I feel taken care of, cared for, honored. I feel like I just have to listen, pay attention, and let go of making it all happen because it just will. I feel in control, though I do not have to fight or work up a sweat for the path to appear. It just does.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not that person who falls for this hokey-pokey, magical-mystical sort of stuff. I am not that starry eyed nymph who flits around expecting the world to fall into place. Oh no, not me! I am that staunchly, foul mouthed skeptic who was always a little angry at the people who seemed to have it all together, who seemed to walk on a red carpet and want for nothing. I am that heckler sitting in the back of the room. The other folks, well, they always pissed me off because I felt like nothing ever came easy for me. I had to work and claw and struggle to make my way. These folks seemed to have things handed to them and that pissed me off. I am sure there were sprinkles of jealousy, envy and resentment mixed in. I saw those folks as the “have” and me as the “have not”.
There were times I felt more settled and at peace, but not like I do now. Not like this. I had peaks and valleys and bits and pieces. A taste every now and again of the gifts the Universe had to offer. Over time, the angst, the unsettled feeling, that beast I speak so much about would start to stir. That restlessness, that feeling of discourse, of upset, would start. The peace would disappear and the bitterness, the dissatisfaction would take over. Argh. I really did not like it, but I really did not know what else to do or how else to be.
These days, I have let it go. I have stopped fighting, stopped struggling, topped trying to make it happen. Now the path forward just seems to appear. The answers reveal themselves as if they were there all along. Perhaps I was just blind. Now, as I am on the precipice of the most drastic change (of my own doing) of my life, I am excited, yet calm and at peace. It seems strange, but it is true. I find it hard to convey with mere words what this feels like, how I now see the world, how this feeling of being cared for exists. I feel like I am living on a different level, with a different view, with a deeper understanding. I feel like I am on the right path and man, does that feel good.
Cheers to finding our way!