Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The word is out! Michelle is leaving on a grand adventure! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
That is what it feels like sometimes. I am excited and I am owning my choice and my journey. I am not trying to keep it a secret or anything. But, it is a bit disconcerting for this introvert to have her life splashed around the community like a headline. I am used to sitting on the sidelines, quietly watching. Generally, I hold my cards pretty close. That means when things are new, I will observe more than participate, listen more the speak, watch more than engage. This is my approach to newly discovered situations or to unfamiliar territory. Once I get a sense for how it works, any rules or mores I may need to know, then I start to let myself engage. Then I feel comfortable, safe, ready to partake.
At present people are approaching ME to ask about my journey. New people, unfamiliar people, strangers. They are well intended, excited for me, and eager to talk about it. I see the glimmer of enthusiasm and wonder in their eyes. They are anxious to share, to offer their support and perhaps a bit of advice. People I do not really know all of a sudden want to chat, to ask questions, to share. I am flattered, humbled, surprised and a bit off balance.
Where will you go first? What are your plans? How exciting for you! Are you scared? You are so brave! I wish I could do something like that!
This gal who generally lives in the shadows, unless I purposely choose otherwise, is now being brought out of the dark and into the light. This is unfamiliar to me. I am not sure what to think of this. I mean, I do not live my life in a spotlight. Sure, for work, I do a lot of public speaking and have no problem on a stage in front of a couple hundred people. The difference is that they are not there to see or talk about ME, those folks are there for the information I will give. They are before me to learn about something I have as an expertise. In all honestly, I do give of myself during these talks and my personality shines through. I’m good at what I do. However, I am not the star attraction. Now, and not by choice, I am becoming the feature, the reason for their engagement; the star attraction, if you will. Perhaps they want information on what the hell I am doing or why I am doing it. Perhaps they have a similar experience to share. I sense there is a high degree of curiosity, or wonder, maybe even angst or jealousy (ala me in a previous edition). But now, it is really about me.
I feel like I am not doing anything spectacular. I feel like I am, once again and as I have throughout my life, taking the road less traveled. That is not new for me. There have been times that change was thrust upon me in ways I neither wanted or asked for. Life altering change, crisis sort of change. Not this time. This time, I am making that change happen. This time I and I alone am in the driver seat. Perhaps this is why I do not feel like I am doing something strange or odd. I have been preparing myself for months for this journey. I have chosen a path that I need. Perhaps that is why I do not feel brave or unusual or extreme. This just feels right. Oh so right!
Will you be visiting BLANK ? I went there before! Oh, you have to see BLANK! It is so beautiful! I know people in BLANK and they would love to meet you!
I am challenging myself to stay in a good headspace with all this attention and folks asking about my life. I am working hard to embrace the spotlight, welcome the questions, and be open to the sharing. That is also new for me!! I have lived my life in Pullman for nearly five years and not once did anyone ask me theses things before. Not once did any part of my life elicit such wonder. See? There I go, getting all negative about it. Letting that bitterness and resentment overtake a good thing, like a blanket dousing a roaring fire. My challenge is to let this happen in the now, in the present. Let go of the past, let go of what was, and embrace what now is. Embrace the present as it is given to me. I am on God’s path and it seems to me that part of this path is embracing the sharing, the connections, the public nature of all this.
I did ask for connections, didn’t I? I did ask for community, didn’t I? I did make the choice to step out on a ledge and publicly share my experiences on the internet, didn’t I? I guess I expected it to come to me on my terms and in a very different way. Then again, the Universe gives what we ask for, though it may not be in the form we imagined.
OK, now lady, I say to myself (usually outloud), buck up and take it like a woman. You are getting exactly what you asked for and your new role is before you. Step in and wear it like a boss!