It came out of nowhere. It was an email from my formerly scheduled summer job. I should have known something was up because the title was “Gunflint Work!” My heart raced as I started to read. “We are starting to take on staff for work starting next week. “ The email started. Wait, WHAT???? She continued, “You are welcome to come as soon as you can to start work. Just let me know when you will be arriving. We are open to any date!”
My spirits flew up into the sky. I had my summer job!! I was going to work in the wilderness after all! I was saved!! Oh, thank you God and Universe.
OK, so that may be a little bit melodramatic, but that is how it felt. In my current situation, I had until the end of April to figure things out. I knew that a return to nomadic life may or may not be able to happen in the short term. I knew there was much I did not yet know.
And, here it was, earlier than expected and the answer I was not expecting. Sure, I had my backup plans. I was even looking for a different space to rent in Wisconsin, as staying and working was a viable option. I considered transferring Amazon locations to a place farther West. My heart and soul live in the mountains; this I know. I was exploring many options and none of them were ideal. I was glad to have options, but sad they were not my preferred choices. My spirit was low and my life on hold.
This news came like a lifeline. This invitation saved me when I did not know I needed saving. I had not realized how much I was struggling until I saw the end. I did not know how far I had deviated from that which is my essence until I could, once again, see myself living in a true and authentic way. It was disturbingly easy to fall back into conventional life, and yet, it robs me of who I am. If I have learned nothing over this last year, I have learned that convention is not for me.
I also realized that the Amazon job is the antithesis of who I am. Don’t get me wrong, this job saved my ass and I am eternally and deeply grateful. This job is bringing in more money than any seasonal job I applied for. This job is giving me more hours by choice than any job I have ever had. This job gets me moving and is getting my body back where it needs to be. Decreasing that ass I have been sitting on. This job is literally a God’s send.
However, this job is completely and totally indoors and devoid of any sense of the world. There are no windows or clocks. There is no fresh air or natural breeze. This company builds enormous buildings on perfectly beautiful natural land. This company uses paper and plastic and has no sense of conservation. This company uses more resources in the course of delivering that pair of shoes than anything I have ever seen. There is not readily available recycling or sustainability or thought to preservation of our natural world. This is an industrial machine that eats resources and delivers “things” to thousands of people per day. Dare I say millions of people per week. This company lives large and unabated where I do not. This place is a resource eating machine. This place is everything I am not. Wow.
One of the basic tenants of this phase of my life is to live simple and small. Living as a nomad, I waste little and only have with me what I need. I travel where I want, when I want. I eat, sleep, sit and stand when I want. Well, I used to. I am now a cog in the machine of industry. This is by choice and, again, I am grateful for this time to earn money and get fit and have something to do. I landed on my feet and I fall to my knees in gratitude. I am humbled and appreciative.
I walked on air all day yesterday as I planned my exit from this phase of my journey. I felt like I was on a high as I contemplated my last days in this place, living this way. I was elated to see the end and thrilled to see the future. I could see the light at the end of this tunnel. Yeah!
I have planned my exit. I have a date and will work as much and as often as I physically can. I will leave here tired and excited and sore and elated. I am ready to go!
My new job in the out of doors will be part-time for a while as the business transitions back to their business. I will be saving my money now to prepare. I will use my downtime to get settled, explore my new home, find my way back. I will let my body rest, I will breathe in the outside air, I will hike a trail and listen to the birds and look at the night sky. I will go and be outside in a safe and familiar environment. I will return home. My home. Return to me.
Though I worked nearly ten hours yesterday, I could not sleep. Though I was up too early today, I am not tired. I am walking on clouds and my emotions are high. I have a lightness that I did not realize was missing. I can see the end. I have relief.
Cheers to the next phase of your life. Cheers to the return to that which is most familiar and that which brings us the most joy.