This is it! This will be home until Fall. I suppose I should figure out what my end date will be, but no rush. I have time and the world is not settled, yet, so who knows what Fall will even bring or what our world will be like.
I have tons and tons of photos to share. It is beautiful and isolated and very much home for me right now. I am still figuring out this idea of “work” and “living”, but I am giving myself leeway and patience. I am listening to my anxieties and addressing them as they rise. For example, I was having trouble sleeping at first because I have such limited space. My roomie, as awesome as she is, lived here for two months alone and got pretty comfortable and settled in this space. Now, she has to share.
I realized that the lack of space for me and my things was bothering me. I took one of my days off and went through the cupboards. I noticed there was a lot of wasted space, so I arranged and rearranged things to give myself room. Yes, that felt better! I brought in more things from the Jeep and arranged my personal items a little better. Yes, that felt better, too. I nested! I cleaned, not that is was dirty, and that felt better, too. It feels more like home, more like I belong here, more like I am here. I feel more relaxed.
The job is a job for now. I mean, we are not taking people out yet and we are not really “outfitting”. We are cleaning and organizing and, while it is not the most intellectually or physically challenging work, it is good to lay eyes and hands on all of the gear. I feel like I will know what I am talking about. It is boring, but building that solid foundation will serve me later. The team is still being assembled, as new folks arrive all the time. Areas of the lodge are starting to re-open and become functional, which gives people hope for a “normal”. I am confident in a new normal, not a return to what we previously knew as normal. Again, more change and adaptations.
I am learning about the tourist trade, living in a very remote location, this part of the country and the state, shared living, on and on the list goes. I am less frustrated and much less anxious. I am sleeping well and dreaming up a storm. In fact, I have many occurrences of déjà vu every day! That tells me I am where I am supposed to be, meant to be, destined to be. I am home.
There are times my consciousness runs away with itself and I fixate on my minimal wage, working with folks half my age, my homelessness, etc. There are times I question these choices and question my current place in life. Then, I see the money I am squirreling away, the awesome surroundings I am in, and the stress free path I have chosen. I am not what I do. I am not my things or my bank balance or exactly like the company I keep. I am still me. I am experienced and smart and skilled. These jobs are not a fair comparison and I am fortunate that I do this by choice and not necessity.
I was talking with a co-worker and explained my situation as “resting”. I am taking this time of minimal responsibility, minimal pressure, and minimal living to rest. I have been married twice, raised a daughter, had a career, bought and sold houses. I have done all that and lived a life of pressures and responsibilities and unending expectation. Now, I have very few, dare I say none. I am liberated and working by choice and design. I am playing, resting, learning and expanding my world.
I don’t want to sound arrogant or flippant. I mean, there are people here who are struggling and these jobs are their livelihood. I do not want to diminish that at all. I keep pretty quiet in general, as I really do not want to disrespect those who need to be here and who need all their hours. I watch what I say so that does not happen and so that I do not sound all “hoighty tioghty”. I am mindful that I am very fortunate to have arranged things so I am not hanging by a thread, so that COVID did not destroy me or my ability to get food and shelter and other basic needs. I am lucky.
I am grateful to be here, to be learning and to be relatively worry-free. I continue to learn about myself and take notes about what my future may, should and must contain. I am grateful for all of these new connections. I have a lot to be grateful for and I work hard to keep that in mind.
Cheers to our choices, our destiny and our happy places. May we visit them often!