I ask myself this all the time. I mean, I think I know. But, do I really know? Here is where things are … things being my life, my head and my heart.
I am still in Minnesota working my seasonal job as an outfitter. To be honest, I really had no idea what I was getting into. I say that with joy, angst, questioning face and smiles. I have learned so much during my time here. Not just the job, but the various aspects of living remotely, working and living in a communal setting, seasonal jobs, the tourist industry, and so on and so on. My primary job has been outfitting – the process of getting folks set up to recreate in the wilderness. My location, on the edges of the Boundary Water Canoe Area, means that folks here are canoe people, with kayak a distant second. They paddle and camp and fish and portage. This is for canoe folk what Yellowstone is for hikers. I think 9500 of Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes are right here.
Not only have I worked, intimately I might add, with the gear for these adventures, but I have dabbled at the front desk, worked a bit at the dock, assisted in the stables and helped with trail rides. I offered to be the Resident Assistant, or “dorm mom”, in exchange for my own room and other benefits. I am supposed to be trained at the front desk, which will add yet another dimension to my time here. Basically, I can do just about anything, though I am not really good at everything. I mean, my challenge with the dock was that I do not fish. Nope, not at all. I detest the smells and the live bait. Oh what fun it was to scoop out minnows and leeches! I am, however, deeply appreciative of my time here. I feel like I added breadth to my life and my experience. I feel that I have grown and I cannot ask for anything more.
Yet, I am antsy. I crave something new and different. I need new areas to explore and different experiences to have. I have been here since May 4th and my contract is up September 30th. I am choosing to stay until the end. One, I will get a bonus. Two, I will get my deposit back and last, I want time to look for another job. I feel the need to move on. It is time. Past time, to be honest. This place is not, and never was, “home”. Don’t get me wrong, my time here has been amazing and I have grown in body and mind. I have explored and relished. But this is not a landing spot for me.
Knowing my time here has been winding down, I have been hitting the job search hard. I mean, hours and hours of applications and information and attachments. I cast a wide net, though I will not just take anything. I am particular about housing. I will not share all of my living space, as I need alone and down time. I know I will not take a job in housekeeping or the kitchen or serving. I know I want to be outside and I still crave a physical aspect to my work. I want to be someplace I can explore and get to know. I want to be remote and NOT in or near a city. I am looking for the next place that will combine all these things.
I glance at the calendar and try not to freak out. I did have a day of stressing a while back. Not quite a melt down, but a day of anxiety and panic about what I will do next. I felt time slipping away and I started to worry. Where will I go? What sort of world is out there? What will happen to me? I applied to more jobs. I talked it out with my pen pal and, sure enough, the next day I got two interviews. As of this writing, I have three. I am humbly reminded that the Universe will take care of me, as it always has when I tap in.
I have also been living in a little bubble up here. COVID has changed everything, but I have been somewhat protected and removed from the brunt of it. Real and yet not real. I am aware that I may be surprised or shocked at what I find once I start moving around. Carefully, of course. Not only do I not want anything to do with this illness, I do not want to be that vehicle that allows it to perpetuate. I will wear a mask and stay 6 feet away and wash my hands. If not for me, then for anyone else I may be around. It is the least I can do.
I am working on my plans, A through Z as it were. I mean, a primary and back up and back up, just like I always do. I want to be prepared and ready for whatever comes. I want to cast a wide net and fall where I am guided. Yes, I get to choose, but this is a path created for me. I can till the land and plant the seeds, but the Universe must do the rest.
I have started to go through my things already. In anticipation of another downsizing exercise, I will be culling the herd of that which I have collected while here. Some out of necessity, like work clothes, and some out of habit, like a new T-shirt. I have replaced worn or outdated items and will again look to live small. Very, very small.
I don’t exactly know what is next, where I will live or what I will do. I know I am loved and invited to several places. I know I will have options. I know I am still on a journey of discovery and the next phase will bring more. I know, even if I have to remind myself every now and again, that I will be OK.
Cheers to moving on!