It has been a while since I posted an article, story, or a series of thoughts. A while for me, anyway. Being the life long writer that I am, going a few days without putting “pen to paper” is a long time. I have been busy, time has been flying by, and my life continues to increase in breadth and depth. I no longer wish for a certain way to be in this world. I no longer bust my ass to create a life or build a life or get a life. I am busy living my life. Living a life I have chosen and created. As much as a human can.
I am continuing on my journey, my pilgrimage. This is not a geographic journey, this is an emotional and psychological journey. I am traveling back to my childhood, my upbringing, the nitty and the gritty of my past. I am connecting the dots between what was learned by me, taught to me, what I carried with me and what I passed on. It is a deep dive into the function and mostly dysfunction of who I am and what I represent. It is hard and painful and liberating and amazing. This is the work I have needed to do.
I have structured my life so that I can hear myself. I have taken away the noise of convention and live in a great deal of literal peace and quiet, but also of minimal demands, responsibilities, and those things that take me away from what I love. I have quelled the static and now I can hear. I can open myself to the gifts of living, the wonder and magic of this world and the people in it. I am creating more depth to who I am and what makes me happy. This is now my journey.
I am astounded and amazed at the trajectory that is my life. It feels like I can just put my foot out and the red carpet appears. I can look ahead and wonder and magic are revealed. I need only to be open, only to welcome, and adventure arrives! When I avail myself to all that is, to the magic of this world, I am rewarded. Time and time again my heart is filled and my soul smiles. Over and over I feel the grace of God and the magic of the Universe.
I recently spent time with a new friend. It was fun and amazing and we got along great. I was able to share with him the beauty and the wonder of where I live and work. He, on the other hand, already knew. He has a long and deep history with this place. I met him and his close circle of friends here. In a serendipitous encounter, we met, bonded, and are now joined. I describe our time together as magical, and that is exactly what is was and continues to be.
He and I talked and laughed and played. We ate, drank and adventured around. We shared deeply emotional and painful topics, and we argued just for the sake of verbal banter. We smiled and hugged and it was nice. Knowing him also reminds me that when I open myself to the people and places of this world, goodness walks in. When I tune into the vibrational pull of the Universe and when I listen to what I call the voice of God, my life takes on a life of its own. Time flies by in the blink of an eye. New and exciting people, places and things come my way and I relish in the experience. Blessings fall from the sky and I am sated.
My new friend has a phrase. It is not directly translatable to English, but I understand what it means. I feel what it means. It is a phrase that describes that place of intimate openness, knowing, love and connection. It is a sacred space, a set of sacred words that one can only hear when one stops to listen. When you “tune in” to the vibrational pull of the Universe, when you pray and God answers. That is what it means. That is what I want. That is the goal. To that we raised our glasses.
So, cherished reader, here I am living a static existence and yet still on the adventure of a lifetime. I am living on my terms, spending time with whom I choose and doing things that I want to do. I am surrounded by nature, community, adventure. I am riding the wave. I am living a life of choice.
I do not live as a representative of perfection. Nope, not me! I am still me and still not perfect. I say the wrong things at the wrong time using the wrong language. I act, look, dress, think and respond in an unconventional manner. I still fuck up. I can also be frustrated and angry and pissy and hurtful and bitter. I can be sad and lonely and burnt-out. I can be all of these things and I can do that over the course of just one day. But, I am growing and learning. I strive for improvement.
That being said, I live most of my life in this magical place where only love and connection and God’s grace exists. Where I am safe and happy and cared for. Where we all want to be.
Cheers to living your life for yourself. Cheers to the magic and the mystery and the wonder of it all. May the grace of your God smile on you now and always.